That driver is all over the road. Another is evidently waiting for the traffic light to turn a more attractive shade of green before he moves forward. One driver turns into the parking lot of a discount store running over six or seven parking blocks before stopping. Still another is driving totally unaware that she has a line of traffic three miles long behind her because he is going 20 mph below the speed limit.These people are not learning to drive. These people do not have handicap symbols on their license plates. These people are not under the influence of alcohol or strong medications. No, these people are all talking on their cell phones.

The cell phone has revolutionized driving as we once knew it. Remember when the only conversation you could have in a car was with the passengers? Well, now each passenger can have a conversation with anyone they want – in the car, in another car, at home, at work, or in the dairy aisle at Wal-mart. Think of it. If a car had four related persons in it, each having a cell phone, and each person was making a conference call, a family reunion could be held in a car traveling 70mph on the interstate!

No longer is listening to the radio a one-way communication. If you don’t like what’s on the radio, call the radio station and tell them to change it. Tell them about traffic conditions, pot holes, accidents, and why Rod Stewart should retire. Try to be the 13th caller by continually hitting SEND… just before you hit the car in front of you.

Because the cell phone has become a human appendage, its safe use is being addressed by the Bureau of Motor Vehicles.

• When approaching a STOP sign, consider the sign a command to turn off your phone and pay attention to your driving.
• Ringtones should not be set to mimic paramedic, fire, police, or tornado sirens.
• It’s also recommended that the driver should hold the phone in the right hand, leaving the left hand available for rolling down the window, drinking hot coffee, having a salad, text messaging, or applying mascara and eye-liner.

How did we ever live without cell phones? What has become so important that it can’t wait? Very little — that’s what. When cell phones became affordable to everyone, the same people that think Brittany Spears is just misunderstood and professional wrestling is a real sport started buying cell phones – and worse, they started using them while driving.

As a result, people are driving cars while talking on their phones having conversations like -

• “I’m really at my wits end! Should wear my Tommy Hilfiger sweats for the Geist Marathon, or do my red Adidas suit look better with my new hairstyle.”
• “Do you think I should buy the macaroni and cheese now or wait until it goes on sale? And, what aisle are you in, right now?”
• “Did you see “Ernest goes to Hollywood” last night? Do you think he does his own stunts?”

Yes, I’m aware of and agree with the value of cell phones specific to security, connectivity for essential communications, and so much more. I simply challenge everyone to consider the probable negative impact to the rest us who have to share the road with you, when using a cell phone while driving.

In conclusion, I just want to –— “Hey! Slow down, where’s the fire?! Oh, yeah, same to you, pal. Why don’t ya look where YOU’RE going?! Yeah, well my horn works too, you moron! Hey, I’m trying to write a column here!”

Sorry about that. Look, I have to go. I’ll finish this, later.

“Is that so?! Well, call a cop! You’ve got a phone.”

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